


When You Sleep

by sxetia



Category: Nana (Anime & Manga)
Genre: AU where they're actually together, Drabble, F/F, First Person Perspective, Late Nights, Watching Someone Sleep, don't ask how because I don't know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:13:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24713659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxetia/pseuds/sxetia
Summary: "When I look at you, oh, I don't know what's real..."
Relationships: Komatsu Nana/Oosaki Nana
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	When You Sleep

It's a miracle that she's here at all. I would have given up long ago in her shoes – and I have. Too many times to count. It says a lot about how weak I am, and about how strong she is.

I don't sleep so well, even now. Sharing a bed takes me back to sadder times, and whenever I feel the warmth and weight on the covers and the skin against my own... sometimes I convince myself it's Ren. It all goes back to him, for me. Whether it's Nana in my bed or somebody trying to get close to me, it's... always him. I react like he's right there next to me, like he's pulling me in, because I won't be able to resist and I'll break down again.

But Ren isn't here. Nana is. That's enough for now.

I don't know how long I've been awake, or how long I slept. Nana's phone is on the nightstand on her side of the bed, and I don't want to risk waking her up by reaching over her or getting up to check. I stared up at the ceiling for a while, then out the window. I tried to count stars, but gave up when I started to trace over a few of them multiple times. That left only one thing to focus on: her. Nana Komatsu. Hachiko, the little puppy who was always attached to my hip, now curled up at my side. I used to love how she depended on me. She needed me. I was important just for being myself, not an asset or an accessory or something to use for ulterior motives. Because of that, I needed her, too.

I used to worry if she was just throwing herself at me because I was there. Like she did with Takashi, and Shoji, and Nobu, and Takumi, and...

But then at some point, she didn't need me anymore. And yet she chose to stay all the same. 

To see all the sides of me she's seen, and all of the things that she's been through at the hands of people like me... and to stick with me regardless. It's probably unhealthy of her, but I'm selfish, and I'm glad she stayed. I would say that I wouldn't have if I were in her steps, but I would have. It's why I went back to Ren. Time, and time, and time again. I never learned. Maybe I still haven't. I don't know. It's all in the past now, and Nana doesn't like to dwell on old things anymore. _It's fate that brought us together in the end, and everything that lead up to it was just making sure that happened. Right, Nana?_ She chirps it out like a puppy dog who wants my attention. Nana hates it when I beat myself up or fixate on all that I've done wrong, so I won't anymore.

She's here, in my bed – in _our_ bed – alive, in spite of it all. At my side, in spite of it all. She looks so at peace, at rest after a lifetime of suffering. She deserves it. She deserves to be happy, and if I make her happy, then that means she deserves me. And I guess in spite of it all I deserve her, too.

Nana's a mess when she sleeps. Her mouth hangs open, she clings onto me or her pillow or her blankets (which takes them all away from me), and those auburn locks just get tangled and messed up and greasy with how she turns. But she always manages to look so serene. Like an angel with her wings duct taped on. I guess she's in her element in times of turmoil and chaos. It's sad, but it's how she made it this far. I learned a lot from her. She's strong, she's so, so, _so_ strong.

Not like me, or at least not how I used to be. I'm trying to be a better person; for myself and for Nana. I don't want her to have to be strong anymore. She can just exist for a while and not have to worry about anything. I'll protect her no matter what.

I move my fingers against her temple and carefully graze some of those tangled hairs out of her face, and tuck them behind her ear. Her little body squirms and shifts, before she returns to a state of peace. I try my luck: one arm under her, the other over the side of her back. She shifts and squirms, but then smushes her lips against my shoulder and stays there. I count the ridges in her spine and the little bumps in her skin. The little chunks of baby fat, the places where my hands always go, the silhouette of her skinny little frame...

I find a peace in the rhythm of her body, and I fall asleep. I stay that way until morning, when I hear a dog whimpering out in my ear: _"Hey, Nana..."_


End file.
